So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
