i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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