if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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