I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
