I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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