Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
