i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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