I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
