I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
