found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
