Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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