Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize