I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
