Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
