We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
