Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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