I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
