My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
