My sheets look like a crime scene.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
