My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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