Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
