Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
even my farts smell like vagina
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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