there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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