i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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