do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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