i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just high enough for therapy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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