I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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