I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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