Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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