I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
