i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
