Don't make out with my wife yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
