Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
