So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
