My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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