It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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