he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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