I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
