I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
