i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
