If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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