Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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