So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
