Having a random hookup so left but love u
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
