i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
