I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
