He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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