You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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