I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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