Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wow bdsm is so cute
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
