Who wears a wallet chain?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize