Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
