I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
