my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
