I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
