Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
