this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
