whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
