So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
