I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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