I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
