SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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