i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
