Yo dont text me then not text me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
