I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
