I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
