dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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