Your dad touched me again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
