Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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