Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
