So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
