i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
