Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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