I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
