Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
